Mary, Honey
by Jayne Foyer
Summary: -"Well EX-CUSE ME for being the Chosen One!"


"Mary – Mary, where did Jesus go?"

"I don't know. I thought you were watching him."

"Oh great. _Great_, Mary. You lost the _Messiah_."

"I didn't lose him, Joseph! You should have been paying attention to him, he's _your _son too."

"_Really? _Is he? Last time I checked, _you _had just gone and gotten jiggy with the Holy Spirit."

"Oh, well _excuse me _for being the chosen one, Joseph!"

Joseph sighed and glanced around. "I'll go look in the synagogue for him. That's where we found him last time, right?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm going to take the rest of the kids home. If you don't find him, screw it, God'll make sure he gets home safely."

Mary kissed her husband on the cheek and dragged the six children hanging on to her arms away. Joseph turned and went back to the village they had just passed. The synagogue was still lit up, and – yep, he could hear Jesus's distinctly obnoxious voice. He went in, grabbed the boy by his arm, and went back out.

"Wha – Dad, I was in the middle of a sermon!"

"It's time for dinner."

"I was teaching the people the truth, the light and the way!"

"It's _time _for _dinner_."

Jesus glared angrily at Joseph's back and allowed himself to be taken back to his home. Jesus's brothers and sisters were setting the table for dinner.

"So Jesus," asked Simon mockingly. "Did you have fun explaining once again why _you _are the Son of God?"

"Shut up, Simon."

"Ooh, Jude, did you just hear that? The Messiah told me to shut up. I probably should, or else God will send a _bolt of lightning _down to _smite me_."

"Simon, that's Zeus."

"Same difference!"

"Uh – no, honey, it's not. Zeus is a _pagan _god – God is God."

"Oh, well. Thanks for the explanation."

"Simon, leave your brother alone!" called Mary, irritated at the boys bickering with each other all the time.

Sarah sat next to Jesus. "_I _believe you're the Son of God."

"Well thank you Sarah. I'll put in a good word for you with the big guy."

Joseph shook his head silently. Jesus was indefinitely annoying. "You're not supposed to play favorites, Jesus. You love your whole family all the same."

"Sure. I'll talk to the big guy about _all _of you."

He shot a glare Simon's way. Simon stuck out his tongue. Mary turned around and rapped her son sharply on the shoulder. "Stop it, boys."

"Mooom, Mary won't let go of my arm."

"Mary, let go of James's arm."

She did so.

"Joses, would you like to say grace?"

"Why doesn't _O Merciful One _over there say grace? I'm sure God would _loooove _to talk to him." He glared at the ground.

"Oh, Joses, stop sulking," said Jesus with a smile. "God would _loooove _to talk to _everyone!"_

Simon let out an ill-disguised snort of laughter.

"Simon, I _will _smite you."

"Bring it, Jesus!"

"You wanna take this outside?"

"What, so you can get the birds to peck out my eyeballs?"

They had stood up, and were standing face to face. Joseph rolled his eyes and inserted himself between them. "Sit back down. _Now._"

Simon did so immediately. Jesus stood staring face-to-face with Joseph.

The tense silence was broken by James. "Mooom, Mary's sitting on me."

"Mary, get off your brother!"

She did so.

"Sit down, Jesus."

For a moment, Mary thought that Jesus was going to smite her husband, but then Jesus sighed and sat back down. Mary smacked him up top the head. "What was that, Jesus? _Jesus_, Jesus, can't you just do what your father says for once?"

"Okay, Mom, honey, my _father _is not in the room right now. He is-" Jesus took a deep theatrical breath. "-with us _in spirit._"

Sarah began to laugh. Simon rolled his eyes. Joses was glaring at his brother, and Mary was already pulling on James's hair again.

Jude shook his head. "I can't believe I'm even related to you."

"You darn well should be happy you're related to us, Jude," said Mary. "One day your brother is going to come and set us all free from those foolish Romans, and _you _are going to be happy about it."

"Mom, I told you, I'm not going to get rid of the Romans."

"Right, of course, Jesus."

Jesus face palmed.

"Mooom, Mary's pulling my hair!"

"Mary, I swear, touch your brother one more time, and I will get the Holy Spirit to haunt you in your dreams!"

Screaming, Mary fled the room.

"Mom, honey, you can't abuse your power like that."

"Shut up, Jesus."

* * *

LOL.

So my sister and I were washing the dishes...and somehow we got on to Jesus (uh...). Anyways, we were thinking...wouldn't it be _great..._if Jesus were like REALLY annoying?

All his brothers are named somewhere in the Bible (Jude, James, Simon and Joses). I made up his sisters (Sarah and Mary).

Thanks for reading

THIS STORY IS A COMPLETE JOKE. THIS IS MY FAN _FICTION_, FICTION BY THE FANS (ME, IN THIS CASE). IF YOU ARE OFFENDED, PLEASE PRIVATE MESSAGE ME INSTEAD OF LEAVING A REVIEW. :)

0r jesus will smite you. :D


End file.
